How small this world REALLY is...

My first few posts were on trust and how a relationship needs to evolve around trust. Well, not only love relationship, but also friendships.

My first boyfriend, whom I called S, told his best friend, lets call her A, that I am gay… Now listen… A’s sister, also A, but A1, is in my school. So now A1 told her boyfriend, which is in my grade, that I went out with her sister’s best friend.

Now I can only hope for the best! I still have a few months left at that place before I can fall completely out of the closet…

Ok, my next story.

My best friend, Riet, recently had a chat with one of our teachers. Well, this teacher told her some stuff another friend of ours did. One thing that bugs me is that the two stories don’t match. And this teacher ‘apparently’ knows something about me. But cannot tell Riet before either him or her is not working there anymore… SHIT

We speak words so easy, that they often loose their meaning. Trust just lost its meaning to me.

Random thoughts
so much part of me
Why did I gain trust
in thee?

A life so short
filled with lies
and devious deceit.
You not only
played me as a love
but as a friend
in
need.

Sorry, (I did mean it)

A long time there was One. One met his life partner, also known as One, One and One completed each other and became one.

Isn’t that the rule of a relationship? One party completing another? Two 50%s becoming 100%?

Anyway, this blog is about spoken words:

I was at a guy’s birthday party on the 24th February 2007, and with my boyfriend for the night. As we sat on the grass and chatting, they started telling jokes. Now, people that knows me, know I do not fancy ‘filthy’ jokes. Yes, they do make you laugh sometimes, but isn’t enough enough? Ok, I can still cope with that and I didn’t throw my toys out of my cot, but when it started with, and I say this with respect, “Oh my God… “ “God” “Oh God!” etc, my blood pressure was rising. It doesn’t mean that if some doesn’t believe in God, they can use His name in every single sentence coming from their mouth. I do not believe in Buddha, but I respect their believes and I do not go “Oh for fucking Buddha’s sake!”

Ok, after listening to this, being somewhat upset, I had to endure… “Sorry, I know you are still underage.” My ‘boyfriend’s’ words after he saw my face and yet another joke.

Just to push me a little further, he added, “Usually I am much worse. Its just because you are hear that I am behaving.”

They say a picture is a thousand words. I say, sorry, has one meaning. Not I meant to do it!

Do I talk to him about this? I usually don’t. I really am upset.

Respect?
Hope?
Wish?
Really?
I do.

Care?
Fight?
Hate?
Merely..
Do you?

I don't want a clubber...

After recent events I decided to go to Plettenburgbay for a week. Just to relax and think… AGAIN! As I’m sitting here, staring over the ocean I was thinking about what happened last night. I was at The Islander, having dinner and afterwards went to the beach. As I returned home, I saw the five messages including a missed call and a voice message. As I read through them (all from the new ‘love’ of my life) I actually saw he is a really nice and passionate guy. Full of love and emotion. I replied with tears in my eyes to the messages of him… I only listened to the voice message after my reply…

The message goes, “I slept the whole day because I was out last night and only arrived early this morning…”

I don’t want a clubber again. Not to mention I only found out 24 hours after the event. Seems this is an endless battle being fought by all gay men. – You are allowed to date a guy, but be happy with him a) Clubbing, b) Not involving you, c) Make if everything is fine with it. – I don’t want that.